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Are You Ready For National Employee Health And Fitness Day?

Put down the blueberry muffin because today is National Employee Health and Fitness Day!

Yes, it's news to me, too. It's the 22nd time we've done this as a nation -- May is National Employee Health and Fitness Month -- so let's all try to stand up and stretch or have shorter meetings today, or...something? Maybe we can skip lunch at the fast food place and buy an overpriced organic salad at the upscale deli instead? But then we'll blow our weekly lunch budget on one crappy salad, we'll be hungry an hour later, and we'll spend the rest of the afternoon hitting up the office snack machine, so forget that idea.

Anyway, the goal of National Employee Health and Fitness Day is "to support and inspire employees to be their best in mind, body, and spirit" and "is a perfect occasion to kick off a wellness or fitness program in the workplace and bring excitement to the workforce."

In other words, get off your butt and exercise! It's exciting and fun, really it is! Besides, the company can't afford to buy extra-large office chairs for everyone, and have you seen our insurance rates? They're going up again. Maybe the company needs a wellness program, whatever that is? I read an article once in a business magazine. Do we get it through an insurer or some other third party? Can someone in HR gather some information? I still think we should have a catered lunch on Friday. I vote for meatball subs and ice cream! Don't buy the really good sandwiches, though, because they're over budget.

But that's so much yada yada, because today is a time to observe just how lazy and fat we've gotten in the Internet age! Don't even think about getting creative on a Segway. We want to see you sweat, and not because you think you're going to get a pink slip soon.

epic fail photos - Exercise FAIL
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On another note, today is also the 31st anniversary of the eruption of Mount St. Helens, which is fairly close to my hometown. I remember it was my week to be on safety patrol working the school pedestrian crossing with my big, orange "stop" flag. I wore a home-made mask cobbled together from coffee filters and string because the ash was falling like heavy snow. Drivers couldn't see very well. Yes, the schools stayed open. Yes, students still walked home from school. Yes, there was a time when kids did the school crossing guard thing, even during a natural disaster. Here's your "stop" flag, try not to get hit by a car. I'll take "things that would never, ever happen today" for 500, Alex. And people wonder why Gen Xers are so cynical.

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